Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Released

Since starting to blog back in the spring, I’ve made over 170 posts - none so difficult but perhaps none so necessary as the one I make today.

I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. Amy and I were coming home from one of her countless doctor appointments and it happened…we had the hypothetical “If God forbid one of us dies, we want the other to re-marry” talk. It was uncomfortable but seemed necessary at the time. To this day I can’t remember who started the conversation, I just know we both “released” the other to find companionship if death were to end our marriage prematurely.

Having that intimate conversation tucked away in the back of my mind and knowing without a shadow of a doubt that God has wired me for companionship, I have known for some time that I would one day re-enter the dating world in hopes to find another life mate. I had no timetable and figured it would be some time before my head was clear and my heart ready.

What I'm saying is this...I’ve had the release from Ame; that was never the question. But I now feel that I’ve been given a release from the Lord as well. I must say that I’ve been reluctant in sharing this information, as I knew it would be received with mixed emotions. Some would rejoice, others would be confused, and still others quick to judge. Let the chips fall where they may, I have to share what God is doing in my life.

As you digest the content of this post, please know that I have prayed fervently, I’ve sought wise counsel from those who have experienced similar journeys, I’ve shared my heart with those closest to me [including Amy’s family] and now I share it with you with hopes that you will walk with me in prayer.

To say that my heart is completely healed would be misleading, but to omit the fact that God has done something miraculous in my spirit would be to rob Him of the glory He is due. I’m at peace with where I am in this difficult journey of loss and I hope you can be as well. More then any criticism or gossip, I need your support. My desire has always been to glorify God and edify His church and I want to do everything within my power to make sure this chapter of my life does just that.

There you have it. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Hope you were sitting down for that one:)

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Chad,
You give hope to the single people out here that God has a plan in our lives and He can put more than one mate out there for our lives. I hope that you do find someone out there. No, they won't be Ame but they will have their own specialness about them as well and that together you can become as one again.

Anonymous said...

You will always love Amy, but life has to go on..just don't rebound!Emrie needs a female in her life besides, grandmas, and aunts and cousins...she will always have her mom in her heart and you need to keep that memory alive for her in pictures and storys:But you also need someone..Emrie won't be little for ever and someday she will have a family all her own, and you need someone to grow old with..someone to sit on the porch in a rocking chair and go down memory lane together...God Bless..

gretchenhs said...

You are correct, it's a sticky subject and people are going to fall on all sides of the situation.
When my grandmother passed away, she and I were very close, it pained me to watch my grandfather jump into another relationship as quickly as he did. However, now that we are 7 or so years down the road, I look at my grandfather and the love he shares with his new wife. I know it's a different love, and I realize how important she is in his life.
I guess what I'm trying to say is this...let the opinions fall where they may. Only you will know if your decision is the right one and really only you (and maybe Emrie a little bit)need to be comfortable with the decision. If you feel God is ready for you to move on, then your heart knows that.
I can imagine Amy would want you to find someone to love and someone who will love your all's daughter. I know you'll find someone who will make all of you happy as well.
I support you.
I know you will make wise decisions, and I know you will never forget the love you shared with Amy.
Let the opinions fall where they may and follow your heart and mind through the Lord to find love again.

Kelly said...

You continue to be in the prayers of mine and Steve's, as you have been for some time now. We give you our full support!

Anonymous said...

I believe you have the support you are so desiring. Remember you are human and even though we all worry about what others might think, the only one that really matters is the one who has been guiding you throughout your life. Make every moment count. The Lord has guided you to this point in your life and he does allow you to go on, so go on and do so with His Blessings. As always, our prayers are with you. Dona

Jeni said...

Chad,

I can't even imagine the pain and heart ache that you have went through the past year. But what I can imagine and truly know is that God can do anything! I know that he can mend a broken heart and that he can give you a peace that you cannot understand. A peace that no one can understand. He just works that way. You will always be closer than a brother to Kelly and I and we support you with all that is in us.

Jeni

Sandi said...

TO "GOD" AND TO THINE OWNSELF BE TRUE! YOU ARE A MAN THAT LOVES THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, SOUL, AND BODY CHAD.........ANYONE WHO KNOWS YOU, KNOWS THAT!

Neither my husband, nor I, was LOOKING, but GOD KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING, AND IS STILL DOING IN OUR LIVES 20 YEARS LATER.

IN OUR "HUMAN" MODE, WE SOMETIMES DO NOT REALIZE WHEN WE JUDGE WE ARE PLAYING GOD!

AS YOUR OTHER FRIENDS WHO POSTED SAID............GOD BE WITH YOU AND WE SUPPORT YOU IN YOUR WALK WITH THE LORD AND GIVE HIM THE PRAISE AND GLORY......

Anonymous said...

You do need to go on Amy wanted that.... Also remember you still have a lot of "firsts" coming for you and the rest of the family...first holiday season without, first anniversary of death, etc. Death does not get easier even after the firsts have past but they do become different. I have a child who lost his father at the age of 4. I hope you find someone who will let Emrie know who Amy was, showing her the respect she deserves - that will mean so much in the long run. I know that special person is out there for you.

Sandi said...

Chad, the last anonymous comment was from a very wise person.

Wonder if she's available?????

Jen said...

From mine and Cris' end, there's nothing more we'd love to see than you falling in love again.
You're so in love with our Lord, and because of that he'll guide your heart in the right direction.
I have "the perfect girl" for you. But this one's in God's hands.... not mine!