Back in February, when we were going through Amy's clothes, the suggestion was made that I keep an item of clothing and have it made into a pillow. It was a great idea so I chose a sweatshirt that she often wore and gave it to my mother-in-law to sew up. Well, she got it done today.
I can't begin to describe the gamut of emotions I experienced as I entered the room and saw the beautiful pink pillow lying on the bed. I squeezed the pillow as if I were embracing Amy. It's been almost five months and I wanted so desperately for that to be her but even as I write the pain is overwhelming as I consider the reality of her absence.
I feel drained emotionally and yet so filled with God's Spirit.
I feel alone and yet know I am surrounded by loved ones.
I feel anxious about my future and yet know God has a plan.
I feel so heartbroken and yet experience this indescribable joy.
Oh God, be my rock and my strongtower. Help me to be the man of God you long for me to be.
Postscript: As soon as I published the above post, Emrie and took an evening bikeride around town. Our typical path takes us through a cemetary [not the one where Amy is buried] and tonight Emrie asked if we could get off our bike and walk around. I obliged and as we were walking around looking at the stones we happened upon an older lady sitting indian style by a fresh grave. Her name was Betty Mastin and she had lost her husband of 44 years in March. We talked and at the end of our conversation I prayed with her. I walked away feeling I had just experienced a "divine encounter". I don't believe it was coincidence that Emrie and I got off our bike. I needed to talk to Betty and she needed a listening ear. Thank you Lord!