Thursday, June 29, 2006

The Pillow

Back in February, when we were going through Amy's clothes, the suggestion was made that I keep an item of clothing and have it made into a pillow. It was a great idea so I chose a sweatshirt that she often wore and gave it to my mother-in-law to sew up. Well, she got it done today.

I can't begin to describe the gamut of emotions I experienced as I entered the room and saw the beautiful pink pillow lying on the bed. I squeezed the pillow as if I were embracing Amy. It's been almost five months and I wanted so desperately for that to be her but even as I write the pain is overwhelming as I consider the reality of her absence.

I feel drained emotionally and yet so filled with God's Spirit.
I feel alone and yet know I am surrounded by loved ones.
I feel anxious about my future and yet know God has a plan.
I feel so heartbroken and yet experience this indescribable joy.

Oh God, be my rock and my strongtower. Help me to be the man of God you long for me to be.

Postscript: As soon as I published the above post, Emrie and took an evening bikeride around town. Our typical path takes us through a cemetary [not the one where Amy is buried] and tonight Emrie asked if we could get off our bike and walk around. I obliged and as we were walking around looking at the stones we happened upon an older lady sitting indian style by a fresh grave. Her name was Betty Mastin and she had lost her husband of 44 years in March. We talked and at the end of our conversation I prayed with her. I walked away feeling I had just experienced a "divine encounter". I don't believe it was coincidence that Emrie and I got off our bike. I needed to talk to Betty and she needed a listening ear. Thank you Lord!


Anonymous said...

Can you pass the pillow around??? Oh, to hug Amy one more time! She's greatly missed.

Sandi said...

Thank you for sharing your "pillow" Chad! What a wonderful person to share that idea! And to be made by her mom. I love you. Aunt Sandi

Anonymous said...

ISAIAH 41:13

"For I am the Lord, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you."

Chad Doerr said...

I have found great comfort in that Isaiah scripture. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

On my way to work this morning, I kept thinking about Amy as I was listening to the radio. I can hear her singing with those praise songs and giving God her all! You sharing your feelings just reminded me of how much Amy is truly missed. I pray daily for you and Emrie.

Bill Mastin worked here at DAV, and hadn't been retired long when he passed. I had heard that his wife is taking things really hard. It was meant for you and Emrie to run into her. Anyone who has not lost a spouse does not know how it is to be in your shoes. It means a lot to us for you to share those feelings. How can we pray for you, Chad??

Anonymous said...

Wow!! As I have tears in my eyes reading this...I am reminded of the words from the "Casting Crowns" song...I will "PRAISE" you in this storm... Chad you are an inspiring example of this!!

Amy Comello said...

It is heartbreaking to think about what you are going through. Thank you for sharing that moment. You and Emrie continue to be in my prayers!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing "The Pillow" with us. It was a true "tear-jerker" for me. I miss Amy, but I know it doesn't compare with what you're going through. I have been so amazed with the courageous attitude you both had during her sickness and now how you have dealt with her death. Emrie is blessed to have a daddy like you! You both are in our prayers.

Jen said...

I love the idea of the pillow!
I found that so comforting. Yes, you were in a divine moment helping out Betty at the graveyard! The Lord is truly using you in your pain to comfort others in their pain as well.
God Bless you!!